Only more cowbell can help me now

I am ill and going home from work soon. Maybe I'll work on that post, but I'm a little delirious so that may be dangerous.

I love free stuff, too.

I want to talk about my trip home for my 10 year reunion, but I've amazingly been really busy lately and haven't had enough time to dedicate to that post. Meanwhile, Harvey Danger made a new album, and they want you to download it for free!

Thanks, goldenfiddle.

I'm convinced that Cindy Sheehan is nothing more than an attention whore.

Ian Ziering or Napoleon Dynamite?

If I had excess income right now, this is what I would buy.

What's on the TV in my cube?

I'm currently watching Martha, Martha Stewart's new show on NBC. She has David Spade on, and they're making some sort of apple concoction. Spade just asked her if she got in trouble for stealing apples in prison, and she told a story of becoming popular for making another sort of apple treat for the other inmates. Needless to say, I am loving this show. I used to be down on Martha Stewart, but after her return from jail, I have since changed my tune.

In other news, on my way home from work yesterday I saw a lady picking up some dog poop with a plastic bag. The odd thing was that she had no dog with her, which is usually the case. Of course, the reasonable answer to why she was doing this is that she lives in the area, and her dog is already inside her home. However, I'd like to think that she's the elusive Poop Bandit! She canvasses the sidewalks of greater Los Angeles grabbing dog feces whenever she can find it, and she's got a waterless swimming pool behind her house that she's constantly filling with her findings. Once she has it completely filled she will light in on fire and dance around it naked while singing hymns.

I'm trying to settle down! Life won't let me.

I talked to my Israeli girlfriend today for the first time in over a month. I waited a long time since I last called her...for my own good. I have trouble dealing with the emotions involved with her being away from me, and part of me wishes that I could forget her and move on. But there's this other part of me that realizes that she is the best thing to ever happen to me and that wants to create a future with her. That, however, is extremely difficult...what with the whole thousands of miles away thing.

She's going to South America for 6 months, and she wants me to join her...for two weeks at least. I have to go down and see her. She is number one on my priorities list (or at least she should be). Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of job you can take two week vacations from. I'm a necessary cog in this continual train wreck of a show. And if I was able to take a two week vacation, the Powers That Be would realize that I am not a necessary cog and uncog me. It's not easy to be recogged once you've been uncogged.

There's a hiatus that happens around Christmas time, so maybe I could go then. However, there's a however. My break is considerably shorter than everyone else's, because the world of post production has to work more days in December in order to finish on schedule. So, I would have a little over a week-and-a-half to be with her. It's not enough, but it's a lot more than I've gotten this past year. I haven't seen her in a year! An f'ing fucking year!!!

Our season is over at the end of January, and there will be a break until we start the next season. This is the time that would probably be better for me to go. Of course, I can't afford this trip, but she has money and would help me out. It's terrible to think that money is a factor in my happiness. That's what this is about, isn't it? My happiness. I'm happy when she's with me, and I'm obviously a wreck when she's away.

Sometimes, I wish the solutions to these life problems could be solved with some sort of strenuous activity. Like, I can go to South America, but I have to do 100 pushups in a row. That's not easy, and it would take practice to get up to 100, but eventually I would be able to do it. 97, 98, 99, and 100. Ding! Here's your ticket. Don't worry about your rent, car payments, or anything else you don't really care about, and have a nice time being happy!

Shock and Awe

Here's an incredible photo gallery of New Orleans before, during, and after Hurricane Katrina.

Best Tennis Match...EVAR!!!

Sports, sports, and more sports. That's the main thing on my mind today. Today is the beginning of football season and just as important, the beginning of fantasy football season. At 6pm (Pacific Coast), the Raiders play the hated Patriots in New England. It's times like these that I'm glad I have a TV in my cube. Football is how God eases us out of summer and into winter. If it wasn't for football, this would be a very depressing time of the year. I just fought through a horrible depression this past spring and summer, so I can't afford another one. Thank God for football. No, seriously. Thank Him.



Let me forget about the pigskin for a moment and talk about last night's US Open tennis match between Andre Agassi and James Blake. This was an incredible match that went all 5 sets with the final set being decided by a tie-break. Agassi is my favorite tennis player. He has been since back in 1991 when everyone hated him and thought he was never going to win anything...let alone 8 Grand Slams. However, in last night's match I was rooting for Blake. I watched the unseeded Blake take down Nadal, the 2nd seed, and then his next match against Robredo the 19th seed. He's got an incredible story, coming back from his dad dying, breaking his neck, and contracting a virus that paralized half of his face. It's not like he was a champion player before all of these things happened either. Blake has come out of nowhere in this US Open to make his first quarterfinals in a Grand Slam event.

The match started out all Blake. Agassi's a better player, but he's much older and has to pick his spots. There were no spots to pick in the first two sets as Blake was swinging for the fences on every shot and hitting them. Everything changed in the 3rd set. Blake was up a break and looking like he would soon close out the match when suddenly Agassi looked like he grew 10 years younger. He started running Blake all over the court and James definitely looked exhausted. He had to be after using all that energy in the first two sets. Before you knew it Agassi had complete control of the match.

The 5th and final set came, and Blake woke up. I could tell he was fighting an intense personal battle on the courts, and he was even talking to his deceased father at times. Blake pushed Agassi to a tie-breaker and Agassi finally won it 8-6. The final score was 3-6, 3-6, 6-3, 6-3, 7-6(6).The best part was that no one lost the match with unforced errors. Almost every point was won with a winner. It was sad to see Blake lose, but it's impossible to not be excited for Andre as he goes into the semi-finals at age 35.

This was the greatest tennis match I've ever seen. Hopefully, I wasn't the only one watching it as matches like this will help bring tennis back from the dead. Back in high school, tennis was my number 1 interest. In the summers, I played in a camp that had us train everyday from 7am - 3pm. As you can imagine, I became rather competent at the game. Once I defeated a kid in a high school match 6-0, 6-0 with a broken big toe. I couldn't move, so every serve I hit as hard as I could, and every ball he hit to me I crushed. Of course, he was a terrible player, but I still bageled him with a broken toe. Of course, those glory days are long behind me. I played a couple times this summer, but I double fault constantly. However, I still love the game and am hoping that it gets a rebirth of America's appreciation and interest.

So tennis is hoppin', and football is about to start jumpin' as well. I have great expectations for my two fantasy teams: Hugs AND Drugs and the Japanese Schoolgirls. By November, look for both teams to be dominating their respective leagues. Of course, I will subject you all to regular updates. No need to thank me.

Dish Rack: The Movie

I love three day weekends. Activities during this past week: online poker (lost), Madden '04 (mostly lost), laundry (loser every time), comedy show (broke even), and shopped for a dish rack (big winner).

I had already attempted to buy a dish rack once. I made a special trip to Target on my lunch break a couple weeks ago just to get one. Since moving into my new apartment, I've been keeping all of my dishes and silverware in my sink, and then cleaning each item as I needed it. This leads to me eat out a lot. I'm so lazy. It's bad enough I have to cook food, but to wash and dry dishes before I have to use them is practically unbearable. So, I made a special trip to Target to buy a dish rack and get my life back in order. But they didn't have a dish rack. This blew my mind. If Target didn't have a dish rack, what store would?

Well not Vons or Rite Aid or the 99 Cent Store. I finally found one at a Sav-on on the corner of Sunset and Hell. It was the last dish rack in stock, and when I first saw it sitting there...it was a spiritual moment. I could immediately feel my life changing for the better just by holding the not yet purchased dish rack in my hands. I almost cried.

I took my treasure to the check out lanes and had to choose between the line with 5 people in it and the line with only 2. Choosing the latter, I stood behind a mother who was trying to herd her out of control children and a lady finishing up her check out. These kids were nuts and constantly screaming and throwing merchandise. Security was already on them, trying to get them to put stuff back on the shelves. But, I could handle screaming kids, for I had a shiny, new dish rack and the lady in front of them was already paying for her stuff by writing a check. This particular woman definitely takes pride in making sure her checks are filled out correctly. It took her at least 5 minutes to write it...and then another 2 minutes to talk to the cashier/meth addict about New Orleans. Finally she finished, tore the check, and handed it to the cashier...and then went to the cart behind her and starting pulling out more items! The cashier was scanning these items with her standing there, and to my absolute terror she began writing another check! Meanwhile, kids are screaming and bumping into my legs while their mother screams back at them.

I was being tested. Do I really want to get my life together? Am I willing to pay the price? Yes. Yes, I am ready. I will stand here with my dish rack and ignore the screaming demon children. I will pay no heed to mother yelling back at them inches from my sensitive ears. I will ignore the woman who is so lost in her world that she has ceased to realize that other people are looking to maximize their time and actually derive some value from their lives! I will wait my turn in line patiently and reward myself with a Kit Kat Bar and a Diet Pepsi.

Once Bitten...

I played poker with Mark Kendall tonight. Who's Mark Kendall? I can't believe you just asked me that. The Mark Kendall? Why he's only the lead guitarist for Great White.

Mark was sitting next to me in a tournament online. I have no reason to doubt that he was who he said he was. I mean, his handle was markgwkendall. What kind of guy takes the joke of imitating Mark Kendall this far? No sane man. And Mark Kendall appeared sane. He volunteered the information that he was in Great White. No one commented back on this. So, I waited a few hands until Mark raised, and I typed, "They call that raise the 'twice shy'." He immediately threw an lol my way. Now, I can't say that the joke was particularly funny. But, I know an easy crowd when I see one.

Suddenly this other player named Don HOUSE or something similar started making comments about the fire. You may remember that Great White was playing in Rhode Island a while back, and there was this terrible fire that killed a whole bunch of people including guitarist Ty Longly. Mark answered a couple brief questions saying he didn't want to talk about it. Of course not! What an asshole this guy was for bringing it up. Fortunately, HOUSE busted out soon, and karma won again.

Tell me you were aiming for 4th gear and missed.

I need some action. No lie.

I went to a lady friend's place last night, and I was banking on physical contact. A guy needs this from time to time...and for me it's way past time. Just a few days ago, I went out with this girl, and she kissed me. Advanced on me. So, one would expect that at the very least, more of the same could be expected during our rendezvous last night at her pad. But, sadly no. That car's been thrown into reverse. We talked.

Don't get me wrong. I can handle just talking. I'm all for intellectual conversation. But I'm starting to redline over here. It's not healthy to go this long without some skin on skin action. At least, it's not healthy mentally.

I'm not going to go to a bar and try to pick up some random chick either. I can't do it. I won't do it. Laura Prepon left too soon.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine (female) drove by her boyfriend's work last night on her way home to have sex with him. He works at a private place by himself, so don't get the wrong idea. My point is that life can be cruel.

Look, ladies, you can't make out with a guy one day and then not touch him again. That is not fair. It's punishment. It makes us volatile and dangerous. I'm so tense right now that if anyone should accidentally rub me the wrong way today, it's likely that I'll stab them in the throat with a pen. Well, that's not true. But I am redlining.