I'm trying to settle down! Life won't let me.

I talked to my Israeli girlfriend today for the first time in over a month. I waited a long time since I last called her...for my own good. I have trouble dealing with the emotions involved with her being away from me, and part of me wishes that I could forget her and move on. But there's this other part of me that realizes that she is the best thing to ever happen to me and that wants to create a future with her. That, however, is extremely difficult...what with the whole thousands of miles away thing.

She's going to South America for 6 months, and she wants me to join her...for two weeks at least. I have to go down and see her. She is number one on my priorities list (or at least she should be). Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of job you can take two week vacations from. I'm a necessary cog in this continual train wreck of a show. And if I was able to take a two week vacation, the Powers That Be would realize that I am not a necessary cog and uncog me. It's not easy to be recogged once you've been uncogged.

There's a hiatus that happens around Christmas time, so maybe I could go then. However, there's a however. My break is considerably shorter than everyone else's, because the world of post production has to work more days in December in order to finish on schedule. So, I would have a little over a week-and-a-half to be with her. It's not enough, but it's a lot more than I've gotten this past year. I haven't seen her in a year! An f'ing fucking year!!!

Our season is over at the end of January, and there will be a break until we start the next season. This is the time that would probably be better for me to go. Of course, I can't afford this trip, but she has money and would help me out. It's terrible to think that money is a factor in my happiness. That's what this is about, isn't it? My happiness. I'm happy when she's with me, and I'm obviously a wreck when she's away.

Sometimes, I wish the solutions to these life problems could be solved with some sort of strenuous activity. Like, I can go to South America, but I have to do 100 pushups in a row. That's not easy, and it would take practice to get up to 100, but eventually I would be able to do it. 97, 98, 99, and 100. Ding! Here's your ticket. Don't worry about your rent, car payments, or anything else you don't really care about, and have a nice time being happy!