Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Who Framed Kyle Sumnyr?

I'm back in Indiana, and boy am I motivated. The goal is to get back to Los Angeles, and the means may be cartoons. Sounds mature, huh? Well, I like cartoons. That's just the way it is. So there. (sticks tongue out)

Not that I can draw. I can't. It's well documented. So I have a partner for my project. We've been putting some serious time into a Flash cartoon that we hope to have on the web sometime by Spring, 2010. It's a long process. First, we had to learn Flash, which we're still learning. Now we're actually in the animating process which is a pretty slow-moving job as well. Plus, we're both working 40-hour weeks on our real jobs, so as my mom would say, "T'aint easy, Greasy!" But boy am I excited about what we have so far. If I showed you a snippet, you'd probably poop a little. But, I'm not showing you nuttin'! So stop askin'!

The first episode is too long to publish right away. People that watch web videos have short attention spans, so I've broken the script into three parts which we'll release as installments. Each installment has about three scenes and should be around 10 minutes long. My partner is hoping that our process will become more streamlined as time goes on, so that we can update more often. I'm hoping I'll win the lottery, so I can quit my job and focus on my writing full time. I also wish a was a balla. I wish I had a girl who looked good. I would call her.

Let me tell you a little bit about the cartoon. It's sci-fi comedy. You remember the Jean Claude Van Damme movie, Bloodsport? It's like that only with aliens. And it's called The Highly Effective Device. I tell you no more!!

When I'm not working at my job, working on the cartoon, or applying to law school, I've been animating my comic strip in Flash with hilarious results. I've finished two of them so far, and I hope to get a lot more done. I haven't figured out what to do with them once I've stocked up, but I'm sure that I could make a million dollars with them somehow. I'm open to suggestions. Anyone go to business school?

Friday, October 27, 2006

I Must Become Dumber for the Good of the World!

I just had the most foul-tasting cup of coffee I can remember drinking. But it has instilled a fervor within me, a fervor for appeasing our clients.

I work for a company that facilitates communication between lenders and repossession agents. It's not the worst job I've ever had, however I am starting to get a little disheartened by the fact that my employers want me to be a robot. My brain is active and adept at solving mysteries. When I am in mystery-solving mode, I put on my double-billed cap and become Sherlock Joelmes. Sherlock Joelmes has solved many complex conundrums in his time and his works have most likely saved the lives of hundreds of innocents. However, now the Man has decided that Sherlock Joelmes needs to be muzzled.

We had a meeting a couple days ago about the clients always being right. This meeting was about me--I mean, Sherlock Joelmes, though he was never specifically mentioned. Apparently, Sherlock was wrong for telling a client that he might be mistaken about an apartment number he gave. The incomparable Sherlock Joelmes astutely noticed that the given number was most likely not for an apartment but instead for a license plate. Not just any license plate number mind you, but specifically a truck in California. Sherlock Joelmes knows his license plates. The car this lender was looking for was an Impala, so the plate wasn't even for the car he wanted. But since this meeting was held, Sherlock Joelmes now knows that the client is always right and he should accept whatever they tell him…even when they tell him that an apartment number is 5M46411.

Sherlock Joelmes has now been replaced with the Joeltron 2800.

The Joeltron 2800 is now drinking a Vault soda to get that bitter coffee taste out of his circuits. He is a car repossessing machine! Well, a machine anyways.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Caffeine. A cure for retardation.

I have just returned from my first 10 minute break of the day that I like to take at 10:00. I used it to go to my car and retrieve a dollar in quarters which I then used to purchase a Mountain Dew. I'm tired today and need some chemical assistance. There's a wide variety of soda options in the break room, and to be honest I prefer this new Coke product called Vault. It's similar to the Dew, but it's less sweet yet has more bite. Plus it claims to be an energy drink/soda hybrid, and I have a serious addiction to energy drinks. However, today (and the past two days) I have ignored the available Vault soda and gone with Mountain Dew.

Why would I Do the Dew when the Vault is...open? Because I'm a sucker for games. I am a marketer's dream. Mountain Dew currently has a "Collect Caps for Caps!" promotion running where under each cap is either a coupon for purchases at NFLshop (pointless, because I'll never buy anything there), a free 20 oz Mountain Dew (pointless, because there are no 7/11's in Indiana), or an NFL team name (gold, Jerry!). If you match 3 caps with the same NFL team name you win a NFL team cap of your choice! Do I want an NFL team cap? Not really. But as with most games, it's not about the prize. I just love to play! So far, I have one Bears, Texans, Giants, and Chiefs each. God help me if I ever get two of one team. I may start drinking five Mountain Dews a day! Obviously, if anyone is collecting these caps, let me know. Perhaps we can work out a trade.

I love caffeine. It's a known fact. Today, I NEEDED it. I don't think I got much sleep last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and tossed around in that almost dreaming but not quite sleeping state for hours. By the time my alarm went off, I only registered three hours of legitimate sleep. I arrived at work a Zombie, and my morning can of Coke wasn't making a dent in my fogginess. You know you're half asleep when you sprout morning wood in your cubicle. I felt like a kid again! Like a very tired, horny kid.

A little while after the...er...excitement wore off, I had a co-worker ask me if I had change for a Five. I drearily looked in my wallet and counted four Ones. So I told him that I could give him four and he could owe me one. He laughed and said, "No thanks." I wondered why he wouldn't. Was he worried that he would forget to pay me back? I was officially retarded.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Bob & Tom & Claude & and me in my car

A weird thing happened on the way to work today. I was listening to Bob & Tom on Q95. Listening to this program has been one of the few bright spots in my life since moving back to Indiana. It's not that I find the radio show to be all that hilarious. It's just that it's been so long since I've gotten to hear it, and it holds a sort of renewed novelty mixed with nostalgia that I enjoy. I'm sure I'll be sick of it in a week.

Each morning they have special guest comedians that they pretend to talk to. By "pretending to talk to them" I mean that they do a sort of fake interview that allows the comedian to mix his act into the conversation. A brilliant scheme by most standards. Radio magic, if you will. This morning, the guest comedian was Claude Stuart. This is particularly interesting to me, because I know Claude. I'm friends with Claude. I've performed with Claude. We did the boston Comedy Festival together. And now he's on the Bob & Tom show. They went into the fake interview schtick and Claude got to give his first joke. "I was at this bar and this girl said to me, 'Just because you bought me a drink that doesn't mean I'm going to do you.' And I replied, 'Just because I want to do you...'" And I said the punch line with him, "...doesn't mean I think you're attractive."

Kudos to Claude. He's out there hustling. Getting it done. I'm envious. I always wanted to be on the Bob & Tom Show. Maybe someday. Maybe my internet cartoon will hit it big.