Dish Rack: The Movie

I love three day weekends. Activities during this past week: online poker (lost), Madden '04 (mostly lost), laundry (loser every time), comedy show (broke even), and shopped for a dish rack (big winner).

I had already attempted to buy a dish rack once. I made a special trip to Target on my lunch break a couple weeks ago just to get one. Since moving into my new apartment, I've been keeping all of my dishes and silverware in my sink, and then cleaning each item as I needed it. This leads to me eat out a lot. I'm so lazy. It's bad enough I have to cook food, but to wash and dry dishes before I have to use them is practically unbearable. So, I made a special trip to Target to buy a dish rack and get my life back in order. But they didn't have a dish rack. This blew my mind. If Target didn't have a dish rack, what store would?

Well not Vons or Rite Aid or the 99 Cent Store. I finally found one at a Sav-on on the corner of Sunset and Hell. It was the last dish rack in stock, and when I first saw it sitting there...it was a spiritual moment. I could immediately feel my life changing for the better just by holding the not yet purchased dish rack in my hands. I almost cried.

I took my treasure to the check out lanes and had to choose between the line with 5 people in it and the line with only 2. Choosing the latter, I stood behind a mother who was trying to herd her out of control children and a lady finishing up her check out. These kids were nuts and constantly screaming and throwing merchandise. Security was already on them, trying to get them to put stuff back on the shelves. But, I could handle screaming kids, for I had a shiny, new dish rack and the lady in front of them was already paying for her stuff by writing a check. This particular woman definitely takes pride in making sure her checks are filled out correctly. It took her at least 5 minutes to write it...and then another 2 minutes to talk to the cashier/meth addict about New Orleans. Finally she finished, tore the check, and handed it to the cashier...and then went to the cart behind her and starting pulling out more items! The cashier was scanning these items with her standing there, and to my absolute terror she began writing another check! Meanwhile, kids are screaming and bumping into my legs while their mother screams back at them.

I was being tested. Do I really want to get my life together? Am I willing to pay the price? Yes. Yes, I am ready. I will stand here with my dish rack and ignore the screaming demon children. I will pay no heed to mother yelling back at them inches from my sensitive ears. I will ignore the woman who is so lost in her world that she has ceased to realize that other people are looking to maximize their time and actually derive some value from their lives! I will wait my turn in line patiently and reward myself with a Kit Kat Bar and a Diet Pepsi.