I don't know why you say goodbye. I say hello.

Today is my final day at work, my last day of helping people get their cars repo'd. That is, unless I end up doing that in Los Angeles. It's not what I hope to be doing, though. No, no. I'm looking to have a breakthrough career in softcore porn. That's why I posted those sexy pictures of myself. I'm trying to get used to people ogling my hot body. Ogle away, you deviants!

Dan has already accused me of shaving my chest. This is not true! I do not shave my chest hair! ...I trim it with clippers. Look, I get hairy. Ok? And I deal with it. Shaving is abrasive. Nair is worse. It's true. I once tried Nair-ing my chest. It says on the bottle that it will make your skin sensitive...it also says to rub the hair off with a towel. Well, I didn't pay much attention to the first part, but I attacked the towel-rubbing session with vigor. Once I finished, my chest was hairless, and it also looked like a baboon's ass. I almost lost a nipple.


I Heart U

I have no place to live in Los Angeles as of yet, but I do have places I can stay. I'll most likely be crashing at my friend David's apartment which is located in the armpit of Hollywood and Highland. It smells like an armpit, as well. But beggars can't be choosers, and I do appreciate the generosity. I will have to be careful, though. As my deformed friend Jade told me, there's a high probability that I could contract some diseases. Top of that list? Feline aids.

Anyone dare me to do a Knock Knock Joke at my Last Comic Standing audition? I'm seriously considering it. Part of my demented brain believes it might actually work. They all said I was insane! They all said it would never work!! Bwahahahaha!!!


Boo who?

Actually, if I do the Knock Knock Joke, it's highly likely I'd make the television broadcast as "The Idiot That Tried A Knock Knock Joke". I can live with that.