Coming Out of the Locker

Cuban says a gay NBA player would rake.

I would like to announce that I am a gay NBA player. I've been silent for far too long, and it's time I told the world.

Noel, what is the toughest part about being gay in the NBA?

I'd have to say boxing out and being boxed out. That and the post-game showers. These eyes, they be a wanderin'!

Some say that you are using this announcement to cash in with book deals and other endorsements. Is this true?

Absolutely not. This is about awareness. This is about letting the world know that there are gays everywhere and in every sport, not just the WNBA and men's figure skating. If I happen to make a little money in the process of getting my message out, well then I guess that's just the frosting on the tip of the penis. Er...icing on the cake.

What are your plans for when you retire?

Well, I may retire from being a basketball player, but I will never retire from being gay. I look forward to becoming a gay basketball coach, a gay basketball analyst, a gay entrepreneur, a gay spokesman for hair growth products, and yes possibly a gay politician. My main focus when I retire is to help the children. I want our young gay athletes to not be afraid of letting everyone around them know about their sexual preference. And for the non-gay young athletes, I want to teach them how to accept their gay peers and possibly to experiment with becoming gay themselves. They say that everyone's a six-pack away, but I am totally against underage drinking. That's why I like to say that everyone is a pint of Gatorade away.

Uh oh! I smell endorsement!