Thursday, February 01, 2007

Giant Pixelated Explosions

My aversion to the city of Boston has been tempered by the Colts win in the AFC Championship game. Though I had at least five different coronaries watching it, the satisfaction of coming back from the largest deficit in Championship history to win was well worth the pain I suffered watching it. It wasn't the Patriots and their fans that were the real losers in this game, though. No, that would be all the atheists in the world, because now we have proof that yes, there is a God.

Overall, I have felt that most Patriot fans have been very gracious in defeat, and this is also helping to repair the damaged reputation Boston has in my mind. I've even heard that many of these same fans who chided the Colts as chokers and Indiana residents as hicks will be supporting our team in the Super Bowl. I have to say that, that makes this hick get a little choked up. Bonds are forming. Camaraderie is developing. Wounds are healing. And now a Super Bowl needs to be won. Before I get to discussing the upcoming football game, let me talk about Boston for hopefully the last time for a long while.

Boston had a bomb scare yesterday. Apparently, the city was attacked by invaders...from the moon! That's right, the Mooninites landed and deservingly gave Boston the finger. (I know, I know, wounds healing. This was the final piece of the reparation pie, though.) At night on the Cartoon Network, a segment of the network called Adult Swim plays cartoons that are adult-oriented and that I am addicted to watching. Probably the most popular cartoon played (besides Family Guy because it doesn't count for being syndicated) is Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The Mooninites are characters in this show that make appearances in occasional episodes touting how superior their moon ways are to the ways of the Earth. They often drive their point across by raising a pixelated middle finger at those they encounter and sometimes at the Earth itself from the comfort of their spaceship. Yesterday, they decided to spread their message to the millions of residents of the city of Boston.



Dozens of battery-powered, magnetic light boards were placed around the city that depict Ur, the smaller and fiestier of the Mooninites, in all his glorious fury. Apparently, the majority of Boston residents aren't like me and don't watch late night cartoons, and neither does their mayor, their police, their fire departments, nor their bomb squads who were called in the shut down the city and protect its citizens from this alien terrorist threat. Now there's a huge uproar about this, people have been arrested, Adult Swim has posted an apology, and the mayor is screaming for retribution. I understand that if you don't know what a Mooninite is, you might see one of the displays with it's little battery pack and possibly think it's a bomb, but wasn't there someone...anyone in power in Boston that had enough pop culture knowledge to recognize this character? No one that could say, "Oh, hey! That's a Mooninite! Funny!" Someone had to, right?

I guess not. Well, let's hope not, because if someone did recognize the Aqua Teen character and still thought it might be a terrorist attack then we really are out of touch. I'm not saying that I know terrorists all that well, but I think I can be brazen enough to say that they don't watch late night cartoons. Watchers of these programs are for the most part pacifists, and while they do occasionally make crafts, their creations rarely explode.

Cartoon Watcher 1: Dude, check out this bomb I made.
Cartoon Watcher 2: Dude, you made a bomb??
Cartoon Watcher 1: No, dude! I said bong!
Cartoon Watcher 2: Oh....awesome!
(bubbling noises)

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