Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Maybe I should bring back the Wall O' Frizz

I'm sick of all this depression bullshit, and I'm sure you are tired of reading about it, too. I woke up today still sore as hell and perhaps that led to my sour mood. All I could think about while I was in the shower was how my life sucks. And the shower is where I do my best thinking... I'm a negative person. Not to blame my father, but he is extremely negative, and I've got his genes. I want to be a positive person, but apparently I can't just decide to be positive. That hasn't worked. Instead, I need to find an outlet for my pain and move on from there.

I got to work and decided to not be depressed and sad all day. That's not helpful, productive, healthy, or attractive...all things I want to be. So, I got to work on reformatting the last script of the season. Then, while on a short break, I had a semi-conversation with a new coworker. He mumbled something near me, and I asked him what he said. Embarrassed, he said that he was just thinking outloud. I told him that I used to do that, and it got me in a lot of trouble so now I just stay quiet. I was half joking, two thirds serious. Then he said that he noticed that I was quiet and that I should talk more. That was the end of the discussion, but he's right. I've gone through this cycle before where I get so down on myself and the things that I do (or don't do) that I just shut up completely and try to avoid talking to anyone.

This happened in high school, and I snapped out of it my Senior year. I really snapped, you know. I started doing things that were out of the ordinary for me. One example, is that I used to have my hair perfectly combed at all times and even carried a comb with me and was constantly checking my hair to see if it was still properly plastered in position. During my Senior year, I decided that I no longer cared what my classmates thought of my appearance. I had obviously failed to impress them with my immaculate and perfectly parted hair up to that point, so halfway through each school day, I would let this girl tease my hair into an ungodly wall of frizz. I would then go the rest of the school day with my hair completely out of my control. It was the best feeling I had experienced up to that point. Complete freedom. I suddenly started talking more. Being more outgoing. Being more confident.

That's what I need now. Something to snap me out of this. I need to snap.

After my conversation by the refrigerator today, I went back to my desk and started writing comic strips. I've written four so far today, and they are all dealing with things that I'm currently worried about. These situations always make for the best comics from me. I have two main characters, Jack and Scott. In the past, I always had trouble giving them distinct personalities. But really, each character whould have their own personality that directly reflects my own personality traits. And I've got a wide variety to choose from. So now I'm making a choice. Jack, the sunglass wearing, long haired partier will be the fame-seeking, attention whore, superficial side of my personality. Scott, the bespectacled and bearded character will be the overly pensive, writer, hopeless romantic side of my personality. Can you think of any other obvious personality traits of mine that should be included?

Today, I've been writing from the perspective of Scott. And you know what? I already feel a lot better. My friend told me that seeing her therapist would cost me $170 per session, so I hope that I can work this stuff out on my own.


At Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 4:43:00 PM EST, Anonymous emily said...

jesus joel. are you living in my head because i feel ya. totally. i can't even read LJ anymore cause it upsets me (hence the deletion). and i was the same way in high school, minus the wall o' frizz. maybe i oughta take a cue from scott as well, eh?

At Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 7:57:00 PM EST, Blogger Joel Lugar said...

I wondered what happened in the world of LJ. Maybe you should try writing some comic strips about what's been going on. I'm proof that you don't need to know how to draw to make them!

At Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 9:33:00 PM EST, Blogger Dan said...

Damn right he's the proof of that.

Have you seen these?

At Wednesday, February 1, 2006 at 9:01:00 AM EST, Blogger Mattress said...

any chance of us getting a look at these comics or are they purely for theraputic purposes and not for public consumption?

I hope you start feeling better, maybe walk around with your fly open all the time?

At Wednesday, February 1, 2006 at 11:17:00 AM EST, Anonymous emily said...

i'm not sure if i could pull off the wit that's usually required of comic strips. though i do kick some ass when it comes to drawing stick figures.

and maybe you should walk around with your fly open like mattress said. if anything, you might start a new trend! hell, you work at the style network after all, right?

At Wednesday, February 1, 2006 at 1:29:00 PM EST, Blogger Joel Lugar said...

I just noticed that the receptionist has her fly open, so I wouldn't want everyone to think I'm copying off of her.

I'll find a way to get these comics seen, guys. Let me make some more first, so that I can get a running start.


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