Tuesday, October 04, 2005

...and it feels so good?

Maybe I don't want to talk about my high school 10-year reunion. It's hard for me to organize all the thoughts I have concerning the subject. I'm still in a transitional phase of my life, and it was difficult to see so many of my peers with established careers and families. I didn't feel sorry for them like some others said. I was more envious than anything. I recently re-took a psychological career analysis test and will be receiving the results on October 24. I actually mailed my test in the same day I mailed my RSVP for the reunion. That is true comedy.

The most poignant moment of the trip home happened while on a tour of my high school. A ton of changes have been made since I went there, and I hardly recognized any of the school. At one point in the tour my old classmates and their significant others were walking down a hallway I've never seen before going to one of the many new gymnasiums that I never played sports in, and I was walking behind my old friend Susan who had brought her three children. She was holding the latest addition to her family over her shoulder, and this baby was staring right at me as we walked down the hall. This baby was young. How young was it?? It was so young that Susan arrived to the reunion in an ambulance. It was so young that it was nothing but eyeballs and wrinkles. (Sorry for referring to the baby as "it", but I have no clue if "it" was a boy or girl. That young.)

So the baby stares at me...trying to figure me out. And all I could think was, "Good luck doing that, kid. I just turned in a career analysis test at 27."

There was a tour of the high school and then a picnic. It was lovely. About half the class showed up.

Not everybody was knee deep in careers and successful. Those were just the ones that showed up for the reunion. I met up with a few other classmates at a bar later in the evening. Everyone looked the same except for Tim who has completed the transition into full fledged hippy. He seemed happier than anyone.

Indiana pulls at me. It seems so relaxing there. Everyone's nice and life seems much easier. One major problem, though. I'm single, and there aren't any single girls my age in Indiana. Well, that's not completely true, but the field is much thinner. I really would like to find someone (without settling). Sometimes I think the motivation I need to get off my ass and truly accomplish great things is having people depend on me. I have no problem letting myself down, but I couldn't do that to someone who trusted in me.


At Wednesday, October 5, 2005 at 9:24:00 AM EDT, Blogger Mattress said...

I think I know how you feel about letting others down vs yourself. That's kind of how I flunked myself out of Purdue.


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