Monday, March 06, 2006

Sherlock Joelmes takes the case!

I've had two interesting calls today. Twice today my phone has rung without me answering it. And both times, no one left a message. In these times of cellphones and caller i.d., it's pretty unusual for someone to call and not leave a message, let alone for this to happen twice in one day.

These are calls from two different phone numbers, you understand. Were these calls from two different people? It could have been one person from two different phones. But the area codes were different, and neither of them were from the Los Angeles area. If this was one person on two different phones, the caller would have to be either quite a traveler or live in a metropolitan area. Well, the location of these area codes shouldn't be too hard to figure out.

The first call I received was from area code 561 at 11:42am. I was just coming out of the shower when I heard the phone ring. It started ringing when I was only about 10 feet away, so I took my time walking to it. Running to answer a ringing phone is the #8 leading cause for injury in the home. Unfortunately, I was too slow, because just as I opened my phone, the screen read Missed Call. So, either the caller hung up just before I could answer, or my phone gave me the old short ring and went to voicemail. The short ring can be such a pisser.

The second call came from the 407 area code at 4:55pm. This call came while I was trying to do a load of laundry. I didn't have my phone on me and was completely consumed with rage over the fact that the only available washing machine had just eaten another $1.50 of mine. That's $4.50 in the past two weeks! And, it's not just the one washer, either. Both of the washing machines have robbed me during this stretch! I went to my apartment manager who was actually here for once, and she told me that a maintenance guy was here to work on things. I told him that the washer wasn't working, and he said that he was only here to check on the new paint job in the laundry area. So, I said, "Oh. Well, the washers don't work. I'm losing money in them, and my clothes are not getting clean. But the paint looks great!" How do you check on a paint job? What are the walls going to do? Change colors on you?

So, I missed that call completely.

I jumped on my handy dandy internet and Googlized these area codes. 561 is from Southeastern Florida, Palm Beach County. 407 is from Central Florida, Metro Orlando. Those sound fairly close to me. Let's go to the map!

As you can see, the two locations are close to each other but not super close. Certainly, the caller could have a friend that has a phone with the other area code that they might have borrowed to make one of the calls. But, I'm starting to think that these are phone calls from two different people. I have a theory, you see.

What day is it today? Monday. What just went by? The weekend. What happens on the weekend? People party. Why do they party? Guys are trying to get laid, and girls are looking for guys with a lot of money. Do the guys get laid? Not unless they have a lot of money. What do they get instead? A lot of fake phone numbers.

Somewhere from Orlando to Southeastern Florida there's a chick saying she's from Los Angeles and giving out my phone number to guys that don't have enough money for her to sleep with them. These two guys then called my number today and hung up quickly when they heard my masculine voicemail. It is possible that they think I'm this girl's boyfriend or even husband, but I'm fairly certain they've been given wrong numbers before and are a little used to this.

In the meantime, if I receive anymore calls from strange area codes, I think I'll just let the voicemail answer and see if someone wants to leave me a message. Picking up and answering just wouldn't be the right thing to do. It could be even more embarrassing for these poor idiots if they actually had to talk to me, and I feel sorry enough for them as it is.

Well, it looks like Sherlock Joelmes has done it again! Another mystery solved and another load of laundry left unwashed. See you next time, kiddos!


At Tuesday, March 7, 2006 at 11:51:00 AM EST, Blogger Mattress said...

You should call the numbers back and test you theory. or get a female friend of your to call back for you.

At Tuesday, March 7, 2006 at 1:03:00 PM EST, Blogger Joel Lugar said...

Test my theory? The great Sherlock Joelmes has no need to test this theory. It's airtight.

At Tuesday, March 7, 2006 at 6:17:00 PM EST, Anonymous Miss Eileen said...


In the greater Florida area there lies a secret society. A society whose soul purpose is to call unsuspecting people in the los angeles metropolitan area and harass them. They are trained to hang up when they hear a message. They are also trained to call and call and call until the one day they may finally get you to answer the phone. They get PAID to do this mind you. PAID.

Who are these Floridians who spend their lives trying desperately to confuse and terrorize lonely hollywood dwellers?

*cue "dum dum dum" music*

Why, they are BILL COLLECTORS.

I only know this because I accidentally didn't pay Pacific Bell $45.32 when I shut off my phone line ($45.32!). Apparently Pacific Bell found this to be a major offense and hired this Florida secret society to find my ass.

Whatever you do, do not answer the phone. It's much more fun to piss them off. Especially if it's over something like 45 dollars and 32 cents.

Good luck and god speed.

At Tuesday, March 7, 2006 at 7:25:00 PM EST, Blogger Joel Lugar said...

Miss Eileen, that sounds a little farfetched. Don't cha think?


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