Wednesday, January 04, 2006

This post is sponsored by Calvin Klein

I've been obsessing. It's been over a year since my last legitimate obsession, but it's just like riding a bicycle. Constant thought and over-analysis. Impatience. Repeated conversations about my obsession with people that have no interest in hearing about my neuroses. All of this eventually leads to burn-out...or worse as the case may be with this one.

My last obsession was poker. At least that obsession made me some money...but it wasn't worth it. It's not like I was ever going to become a professional poker player. I never even wanted to. I did, however, end up wasting a huge percentage of the last year playing poker and gaining essentially nothing of real value from it.

My latest obsession is actually an old one revisited. And here I am talking about how I'm going to do it right this time while worrying about doing it right is how I did it wrong to begin with. Following me on this? It's all cycles and circles. So, I'm taking a break from obsessing about this. I'm going to continue my workouts and do my best to think about other things. Distract myself. Play it cool? Well...maybe play my guitar.

I was going to buy weed last night, but my hook up was unavailable. Instead, a friend came by my place and smoked me out. Thank god for that. I needed to get stoned. Not for the reasons that you probably think. I needed to get stoned to realize that I don't like getting stoned anymore. I hate myself when I'm stoned, and I hated myself last night. It immediately sucked up all the confidence and self-esteem I had been building the past couple weeks...just like it's done to me for the past year. Now, when my hook up calls me, I'll have to tell him thanks but no thanks. Besides, I could use the extra $50.

Another good thing that came from getting high last night was the realization that I was obsessing. But then my brain started obsessing about my obsessing too much, and I got really down on myself. Maybe I'm doomed to overthink and obsess regardless of whether I'm sober or stoned. When I'm sober, I obsess about my desires. When I'm stoned, I obsess about my faults. I'd better stop writing about this before I obsess too much about this entry.

As for my workouts, they're going great. Yesterday was chest day, where I did flies and dumbell presses. I use 45 lbs for both exercises and do the flies first, because they're harder. On each dumbell I have placed four 10 lb weights and two 2.5 lb weights. Two of my 10 lb weights look different from the other because I bought them much later, and I always think that they weigh a little more since they're a different size. They really shouldn't, though. I started off using the dumbell with these heavier weights with my left arm (my weaker arm) for the flies, and man did it feel heavy! I couldn't get the 10th repetition up with my left, so for the next set I switched it to my right. This time I completed all the reps, but it still felt heavier...like a lot heavier. I don't know why I never noticed this difference before! But then Sherlock Joelmes took the case and using my incredible deductive reasoning I discovered something was definitely amiss. The heavier dumbell didn't have two 2.5 lb weights on it. It had two 5 lb weights! Well, at least I got a good workout in...but boy am I sore.

One of the funny things about working out is that after you've finished lifting, you look in the mirror, and you look awesome. Completely ripped. Last night, I could have made a calendar with my hunkiness. Yes, Dan, even the Men of Purdue calendar. But, then you get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and you look deflated and weak again. I guess this is the motivation to continue working out. But, I was thinking that all swimming pool changing rooms should be equipped with weights. This way you can be sure to look your best before strutting out there in your near nakedness in front of all the gawkers.

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