I hope I'm not getting set up for a huge letdown.

Did everyone have a good Christmas? Even you Jews out there. Did you have a good Christmas? I’m sure you did. I know I did. I went home to Indiana and had a lovely white Christmas. I actually had a choice between two different white Christmases this year. Either I go home to Indiana and frolic in the beautiful snow or I could stay here in Los Angeles and do a bunch of coke. Just kidding. I would never do that.

On Christmas morning, my parents and I went to church and then to my new brother-in-law’s family’s house for brunch. It was really nice to spend this time with my old family and my new family, and I really enjoyed getting bitten by my sister’s dog. Twice. It’s ok, though. I’m not talking about any pit bull, here. It’s a Min Pin. A Miniature Pincher. Strangely enough, though, it doesn’t pinch. No, it bites.

I have to say that I got everything I wanted for Christmas. I got to spend time with my family in Indiana. I got a new pair of glasses and new contact lenses, so I can now see my beautiful audience. I got a new pair of blue jeans, so my audience doesn’t have to see my beautiful ass anymore through the holes in my old pair. And, I got rabies.

While in Indiana, I connected with my friend Ivan and we hit the karaoke scene. He gave me some valuable information before I left. He informed me that an old friend of ours had moved to San Francisco and separated from her boyfriend of many years. This girl holds a special place in my heart and other places. Back in college, I fell for this girl pretty hard. I was so in love with her that it made me physically ill, but alas, I was unsuccessful in winning her heart. It was my fault, of course. I was missing the same thing that 90% of comedians at open mics are missing leading to their comedy demise. Confidence. But, perhaps now things have changed. Now that she has moved to my time zone, I have another opportunity to get the girl that once made me so lovesick that I got scurvy. I made Ivan give me her email and wrote her the following day.

I’m happy to say, that she replied almost instantly and insisted that I call her that evening…which of course, I did. Now, don’t think that I just dove right into that phone call unprepared. It was the most important call I’ve made in the past 4 years! I’m not just going to call the girl of my dreams, suddenly freeze up, and blow my 20th chance at happiness! No way. I made sure I put down three beers first. Then I called her.

We had a great conversation. I was funny, charming, and didn’t hold back about anything I wanted to tell her. And she was funny, too. She always had been. That’s one of the reasons I like her so much. I think she’s funnier and smarter than me. I had written in my email to her that as soon as she said the word I was in my car headed up to the Bay area to see her. She had replied that she would love to see me. Actually, she said that she would LOVE to see me. So, on the phone I asked her when was a good weekend for a visit. I told her I could take off from work on a Friday, spend Friday night and all day Saturday with her, and jet back on Sunday. I wanted to get dates down in fear that if I stalled it might never happen. She quickly went through her schedule and thought that Jan.20 was a good time. Hell, anytime’s a good time for me. We talked about a bunch of other things as well, but I won’t get into it. The conversation lasted until her friends arrived to take her out that evening, but she said she wasn’t close to done talking to me. She said she’d call me later and mentioned that she might text me that evening. I turned my message alert on high, but she never sent one.

Was this a bad sign? I worry about little things like this. Oh well, I wouldn’t let it bother me, and I definitely wasn’t going to send her any message…not until a couple days later on New Year’s Eve when I was back in Los Angeles. After the ball dropped, I sent her a quick text wishing her a Merry New Years, but I didn’t get anything back from her. Not until the next morning.

At around 10:30 on Jan. 1, I got a call from her. Luckily, since I was still on Indiana time and had been up for a couple hours, I already had a clear head and my energy was up. We kept talking like our last conversation had never ended. She was still in bed when she called me! That means she saw my text first thing in the morning and called me right away. This is what I would call a good sign. We talked for about a half hour and solidified our plans for my visit up north. The conversation ended with her saying that she felt like she could go on talking to me forever. Another good sign.

So, I have three weeks to prepare. I’ve already started a rigorous workout routine. It’s all upper body, since I don’t have any real way of working out my chicken legs. Anyone have any suggestions? I suppose I could start running…but last time I tried that, I nearly had a heart attack. Well, it’s raining right now, so maybe in a couple days I’ll give it a go. I also need to get her a birthday present, since her birthday is a few days after I’m there. I’m clueless on this one. What do you get a girl that you haven’t seen in 4 years? I’m thinking $30-$50 range is appropriate. But what do I get?